Tuesday, September 6, 2011

on Love.....

     I fell in love a few times I guess in my life. All very different but awesome. 

     The first time It was my mother I think. Not in the oedipal sense just the idea that someone could be so open and honest and beautiful with her children was so great. I never realized that this was not the norm until I went out unto the world and met people and found out that their mothers were not the same as mine. She made it okay for an acknowledged weird-assed kid to be himself. U wanna be an artist/writer/musician/mathematician/mailman/goofball? No problem! She was down for whatever and instilled in me that this family is a gang unto itself. U are in for life if U want to. She was and is the sole reason for me being the person I am..good or bad!
     The next time I fell in love was with a kooky kid with a German last name and a grin as wide as the ocean. I credit this person with my next big growth as a person. She showed me that there was life far beyond my Mt. Vernon ave. upbringing. There was a world where people respected each other. Where they left their doors unlocked at night. Where they tipped the pizza guy as well as the waiter. Believe it or not, you could go jogging and someone would not try to rob you. Who knew? She also introduced me to some not so good elements of love. Jealousy, betrayal, heartbreak. Also expectations from friends and family and how sometimes love just ain't enough.
     The next time was by far the hardest. She was half French and beautiful and smart and funny and...etc. With her I could be the best part of me without reservation and everything was cool. Problem was, I was too busy being  a jackass musician with dreams of stardom and I knew I would break her heart so when she wanted to go....I let her go. All for the best because I would have ruined her life no doubt about it. She would have learned to hate me.
     The next time was my most calculated and smartest move. My future wife was everything I needed. Stable. All mothering instincts. No nonsense. A crazy musician/whatever  needs stability and some sense in life to survive the dreaded "27!" The year when all musicians either die or disappear. I am probably alive now because of her. She was also kinda tall and that combined with my athleticism would create a kind of "superkid" with brains, beauty, and athletic prowess with the soul of an artist!
     The last time is the most important though. Recently I fell in love with someone who takes me as I am. All my warts. All my considerable flaws. This person I can be myself with. I can tell bad jokes and they get them all. I can play weird songs and they think that they are all cool. No matter what time of day this person wants to hear my incessant jabberings on about everything from religion to sex and everything in between. I love this person with all my heart because I know they love me unconditionally. They are a little surprised I love them so much because they don't see themselves as I do. Beautiful. Perfect. Funny. Talented. 
     Love yourself first...and last!