Monday, October 17, 2011

What Party?

     Okay, here it is. Some people have asked me what is my "party" affiliation. Am I a Democrat or a Republican? Libertarian or octogenarian? Well, I am here to tell U right now that I am a.....individual.(GASP!)
I have this wacky idea that a person does not have be part of a party( ...really though, if they were actual  parties they would be much more fun.) to have opinions. I pretty much eschew the whole idea. Look, if U want to be part of something and want your views spoon-fed to U then go right ahead. Honestly there is nothing wrong with that. Your choice. I prefer to not be told what my position should be.( I do prefer some positions over others but that is a WHOLE other blog, meant to be read with a 40oz of premium malt liquor and an old Ray Parker Jr. record...)
     I do have to admit that I have some fairly liberal leans in some areas and conservative in others. I am pro choice but it is strange but the more money I make the less I want to tax higher incomes hmmm? Weird. I guess at some point, if U make enuf cash U eventually become "the man!" I still think that the bailouts were not the worst idea but man those dudes shoulda been put in jail afterwards when they used some of that money for "golden parachutes" , bonuses, and company getaways! But we must remember that the same guys who would have to go after them are the same guys who spend millions of dollars chasing steroid users and who authorize their own raises. I would love, for once, for them to say " I know we did a sh***y job last year so we will not only decline to take a raise but hell, we are gonna take a pay cut."
     This is but a small sample of what I think about some of the issues but to sum it up I will say that the problem is not one of liberalism or conservitism  or Tea Party or whatever, it is us. The whole system is broken but if U think that replacing it with something different will make it better, unless u eliminate the main problem, U are taking a whiz in the wind. The main problem is U. Me. All of us people. As long as human beings are in charge whether it is one, a few, or a bunch, we will never have a fair and equal system. Fact!
       Unless that person is me, of course....or maybe one of those Terminator type machines. Or perhaps...I AM one of those machines? Beep boop bop bop boop!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

on Love.....

     I fell in love a few times I guess in my life. All very different but awesome. 

     The first time It was my mother I think. Not in the oedipal sense just the idea that someone could be so open and honest and beautiful with her children was so great. I never realized that this was not the norm until I went out unto the world and met people and found out that their mothers were not the same as mine. She made it okay for an acknowledged weird-assed kid to be himself. U wanna be an artist/writer/musician/mathematician/mailman/goofball? No problem! She was down for whatever and instilled in me that this family is a gang unto itself. U are in for life if U want to. She was and is the sole reason for me being the person I am..good or bad!
     The next time I fell in love was with a kooky kid with a German last name and a grin as wide as the ocean. I credit this person with my next big growth as a person. She showed me that there was life far beyond my Mt. Vernon ave. upbringing. There was a world where people respected each other. Where they left their doors unlocked at night. Where they tipped the pizza guy as well as the waiter. Believe it or not, you could go jogging and someone would not try to rob you. Who knew? She also introduced me to some not so good elements of love. Jealousy, betrayal, heartbreak. Also expectations from friends and family and how sometimes love just ain't enough.
     The next time was by far the hardest. She was half French and beautiful and smart and funny and...etc. With her I could be the best part of me without reservation and everything was cool. Problem was, I was too busy being  a jackass musician with dreams of stardom and I knew I would break her heart so when she wanted to go....I let her go. All for the best because I would have ruined her life no doubt about it. She would have learned to hate me.
     The next time was my most calculated and smartest move. My future wife was everything I needed. Stable. All mothering instincts. No nonsense. A crazy musician/whatever  needs stability and some sense in life to survive the dreaded "27!" The year when all musicians either die or disappear. I am probably alive now because of her. She was also kinda tall and that combined with my athleticism would create a kind of "superkid" with brains, beauty, and athletic prowess with the soul of an artist!
     The last time is the most important though. Recently I fell in love with someone who takes me as I am. All my warts. All my considerable flaws. This person I can be myself with. I can tell bad jokes and they get them all. I can play weird songs and they think that they are all cool. No matter what time of day this person wants to hear my incessant jabberings on about everything from religion to sex and everything in between. I love this person with all my heart because I know they love me unconditionally. They are a little surprised I love them so much because they don't see themselves as I do. Beautiful. Perfect. Funny. Talented. 
     Love yourself first...and last!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Guess What? You ARE the old guy!

     Wha' happened?  I woke up that morning full of my usual vim and vigor ready to conquer the days tasks. For days now I had been walking around like Kong and the world was populated by villagers with nappy 'fros and big bones in their noses. I was King and all trembled when I approached. Then it happened.
     Let me first say that we all are keenly aware of the aging process. We are born, we go through puberty, live life to the fullest before we keel over at 95. We never think of ourselves as what we are. When we are youngsters we cannot wait to be teenagers, even going so far as to add to our ages as we go. You are not 1. You are 1 and a half. Never 8. 8 and a half. Then we become teenagers and we just jump to the next age ( or two in some cases.) Who didn't say " Imma be 18!" when they were 14?  By the way, 30 is ancient.
      Then you become 30. You still laugh at the old guy at the bar. With his suit that is either a little too big or way too little. A hat made of straw or a baseball cap turned backwards, you know, to be hip.He still thinks that he is the bizzomb as he approaches every 22 year old in the place with a scorched earth tactic that rivaled Hiroshima. Little do you know but you are but a few short years and a gray hair or two from being that guy.
     Well that day arrived for me on that day when Kong still ruled, or so I thought. I went to work at the US Postal Service and went about my duties as a city letter carrier as I had countless times before. I cased up the mail. Made jokes with my fellow postal workers. Tried to outwit my supervisor in our daily mental  jousts.
Pulled down my route and headed to the street with no idea what lay ahead.
     "It" happened when I, after a few hours of diligent servic....okay I really just kinda screwed off for a few hours putting mail in the wrong boxes, driving around breaking traffic laws( a perk of driving that mail truck), and being a general jerk. I was walking up to this porch where three young mamacitas were wiling away the afternoon looking fly and all that. I noticed the cute one in the middle kinda glanced at me and gave me "the look." Well, what my old man eyes told me was "the look." I thought it was a come hither look but it turned out to be a "aw, he can still move without a walker" look. I rolled up with my confidence beaming and after dropping my voice an octave said " How you fiiiine young ladies doin' today?"  See, to me, they were obviously in awe of my virility laced manliness yet I was in for a surprise.
     The cutie pie in the middle looked up, her eyes alight, and parted her recently glossed lips and said in the sweetest voice " We are fine.....SIR."
     Sir? SIR? Who am I, my father? Closer to my grandfather the way they looked at me. That is when it struck me. I am, to them, the old guy mailman. Short pants and black socks up to my knees. Gray hairs sprouting from places I cannot mention. Old...guy..!
     Being old isn't too bad though. Prune juice is not all that bad. The smell of mothballs is actually pleasing to the olfactory senses.People say that afternoon naps and diapers are for babies. I have to disagree. Not to mention senior discounts and faking dementia to get out of trouble with cops, teachers and spouses. I say, as an old guy, that we should be proud of our flabby arms and wrinkled butts. We should....uh,what was I saying again?  Nevermind, I think the nursing home is serving tapioca pudding tonight....

Sunday, August 7, 2011

200,000 mile journey..the tale of one man and his Tercel

      Eons ago, when the world was new, a young man ventured forth to find a conveyance. His former conveyance had been nearly destroyed by the invading hordes from the east and he needed something that would withstand the harsh realities of life in that unforgiving land. His trusty steed delivered him with her final breath to the land where her kind roamed free.( ..well, not really free but 11,995 mrp) and he set about finding the one.
     He strode into the place where men wore the finest cloth and traded in the finest things. It may have said "Germain Toyota" but was but a stones throw from Vahalla . He went to the top merchant and proclaimed "Give me the greatest stallion in the world!" The merchant was obviously taken aback by this man clad in the sky blue garment which bore the emblem of his people proudly on the lapel. The emblem, that of an eagle perched gloriously, told the merchant that this man of action was not to be trifled with. He knew only one thing could satisfy the travelers needs....he pointed fearfully towards the beast to his left and said those words only he was fated to say.
     " I giveth thee...The 1996 Toyota Tercel in Platinum Metallic!"
     The Man gently shoved the merchant aside and moved towards the beast. His eyes aglow as never before..(..well there was this '72 Mustang Mach II, but that is a different tale) , he reached out and touched her. Warm and inviting in the summer sun, she whispered to him " I shall take thee wherever thy wisheth to..uh...go..eth." He turned to the shrinking merchant who had by now been nearly blinded by the glow of their combined energy and commanded " Wrap it up! "
     I could go on forever with the adventures these two soulmates shared. The harsh Columbus winters. The perilous South Carolina summers. How very early they tried to repo...uh, steal her away from him and his trip to the land of Kentucky to rescue her. The people whose lives they either touched or saved or given rides to bars to. The day when the front seat was finally evacuated! Ah, how they shone that day! The repairs and all the near misses. The speeding tickets...well, not many. It is a Tercel. These were the stuff of legend.

      Then, today, the 7th day of August. In the year of someones lord 2011. At 6:32pm est. Riding down Windsor Forest Blvd in Florence, South Carolina in the United States of America on Planet Earth in the Milky Way galaxy of the Multiverse, the two of them glided...Yea I say GLIDED to the 200,000 mile mark on the odometer!!
     I would like to thank all of those people who stood by me and my baby when the odds were stacked against us. As for those who derided and doubted us. Phoooey! Who is up for 300K?

(...uh, however, if there is someone out there who wishes to trade this baby for a cherry 1972 Mustang Mach II hit my email!)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Greeziest Blog Ever!

Welcome to the Greeziest blog ever. Here I will wax poetic about life, love, religion, music, and the occasional meat sandwich. Not now cause I am busy arranging my sock drawer. soon tho'. Stay tuned....